What I Wish I Had Known as a First-Time Mom: An Honest Guide to Finding Peace in the Chaos

You may have been preparing for the role of a mother for years, or you might have just jumped right into it like I did. Whatever your path is, there is one universal truth about motherhood: your expectations will almost always look completely different from your reality.

If I could have just one wish granted, it would be to return to those very first months of my motherhood and do it all over again—but this time, with a lighter heart. Looking back, those weeks weren't just fast; they were incredibly stressful. I was constantly filled with questions, fear, confusion, and a quiet sense of despair.

If you are currently sitting on the nursery floor feeling overwhelmed, please take a deep breath. Here are 5 things I desperately wish someone had told me back then—things that will hopefully bring you the peace of mind I didn't have.

Everything Takes Time (And "Experts" Don't Always Know Best)

We struggled with breastfeeding in the beginning, and honestly, we didn't have to. If only someone had looked me in the eyes and said: “Feeding for 20 minutes is fine. Feeding from only one breast—or both—during a single session is fine. And it is absolutely, 100% fine to offer formula if you feel like it.”

Instead, we were pushed by rigid schedules. I was constantly stressed, staring at the clock, tracking whether it was time to feed or if the magical three-hour mark had passed yet.

• My Gentle Reminder for You: Drop the clock. Tune into your baby and listen to your own instincts. If your baby is growing and thriving, feed them whenever and however they want. We adults eat more some days and less on others, and we never wait for an exact hour to strike. Trust your body, and trust your baby.

Growth Spurts and Cluster Feeding Are Normal (It’s Just a Phase)

When your baby suddenly wants to nurse every single hour, it is incredibly easy to panic and think, “I’m losing my milk supply.” But most of the time, this is just a classic growth spurt accompanied by cluster feeding.

Your baby is simply growing rapidly in a very short window. By nursing constantly, they are naturally letting your body know it needs to crank up the milk production. If you can push through a couple of days and just go with your baby's flow, your supply will naturally adjust.

• When to Actually Worry: The only times you truly need to be concerned about your milk supply are if your baby isn't producing enough wet diapers in a day, or if they aren't gaining weight at their expected rate. Otherwise, trust the process.

The postpartum period is a massive transition for your mind and body.

→ Read our guide on how to embrace slow living during early motherhood

The Hormonal Rollercoaster is Real (Be Kind to Yourself)

The hormones, the changing body, the sudden hair loss... The postpartum transition is a wild ride. I am so deeply grateful that my husband stood firmly by my side, because there were days when even I wanted to walk away from myself.

I would start crying out of nowhere, completely convinced that I was the worst mother on Earth. One minute I would be amazed by what my body had just capable of creating, and ten minutes later, I would look in the mirror and hate it. Even when the physical signs of postpartum faded, building back my confidence took time.

And if you are currently seeing your hairbrush and bathroom drain filled with hair every single day—I know how heartbreaking it is. It feels like losing a piece of yourself. But please remember: your body is finding its balance again. It is temporary. You are still beautiful, and you are doing an incredible job.

Babies Make Their Own Schedules

Let’s talk about infant sleep. My baby never fell into those perfect little boxes described in parenting books, like “a baby should sleep exactly like this, at this specific time.”

I read far too many articles about how to sleep train, how babies must learn to fall asleep on their own, and warnings that you shouldn't rock them or let them fall asleep while nursing, otherwise "you'll ruin their habits."

Do you want to know what all that advice did? It stressed me out. And because I was stressed, it stressed my baby out! None of us were sleeping, and absolutely nothing was working.

Then, I stumbled across a beautiful perspective that changed everything: Your baby was just born into a massive, loud, and fast-moving world. You, Mama, are the only safe anchor in their tiny bubble. They won’t be babies forever. One day, they will be too cool to even hug you in public, and they will have lives of their own. So, do whatever works best for you and your family right now. For us, that meant falling asleep while nursing and taking at least one cozy daytime nap together.

Are you feeling burnt out by the constant pressure of modern parenting?

→ Understanding the mental load of motherhood and how to manage the invisible burden

You Might Not Love Your Baby Right Away (And That is Okay)

This is perhaps the biggest taboo of all. When my son was born, I didn't feel that instant, overwhelming rush of magical love, and I felt horribly guilty about it. I constantly wondered if I was normal. I had a beautiful, healthy baby lying right next to me, and I was desperately searching for those deep, tearful feelings you always see in Hollywood movies.

But it isn't always tears of joy in the delivery room. Someone told me right after birth that I looked completely shocked—and honestly, that’s exactly how I felt. You walk into a hospital with a huge belly, go through intense pain, and suddenly a tiny, wet, slimy little creature is placed on your chest and you're told it's yours. I just kept staring at him, my brain unable to comprehend how two tiny cells could create a whole new human being in just nine months.

If you don't feel that burst of love immediately, please don't punish yourself. Love will come, and it will grow. It grows when they first smile at you, when they gently hold your cheeks in their tiny hands, and when they burrow their little head into your hair.

Final Thoughts: You Are the Perfect Mom for Your Baby

Motherhood is a journey of letting go of perfection. The mistakes you think you are making today are just the stepping stones to finding your own unique rhythm. You don't need to be a perfect, textbook mother. You just need to be you.

What is one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a mom? Let’s create a comforting space for expecting mothers in the comments below!